Losing Yourself in a Relationship · Online, in English

“I'm doing everything I can” is the right effort and the wrong answer

Somewhere along the way, answering as a couple stopped being a choice and became the only answer you're allowed to give. A space to find the 'I' again, without giving up the 'we' — without translating yourself first.

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Systemic Approach

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First Assessment Session

A first session to talk through your situation and shape the process together. You decide with real information, not blindly.

US$25US$49.9950%

60 min · Video call

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When 'we' becomes the only answer you're allowed to give

Your partner asks about the future, and you answer with a report instead of a person.

They ask about the house, the paperwork, moving countries, finally making it official — and you answer with everything you've done: the effort, the numbers, the plan. It's all true, and it's still not enough, because that wasn't the question. They're not auditing your performance. They're checking something else: are you still standing next to them, as a team? Somewhere in that exchange, your own voice — the one that isn't managing the relationship, just living it — got quieter. For a lot of people who hold two languages and two countries at once, this shows up sharper: you already learned to translate yourself for everyone else, and the relationship became one more place where you perform competence instead of showing up as you.

Therapy here doesn't ask you to stop caring about the relationship or to love it less. It helps you find where the 'I' went, and how to answer from a 'we' that includes you — not one that erased you to keep the peace.

Ricardo De Castro King — Clinical Psychologist

Who's with you

I'm Ricardo, and this pattern is one I know from the inside of a session

I'm a clinical psychologist with more than 15 years working with couples and individuals, trained in systemic family therapy. I'm Colombian, based in Barranquilla, and I see clients online. Before any title, I'm someone who understands what it's like to hold two languages and two worlds at once. Many of the people I work with in English think in Spanish first — they migrated, or built a life across two countries, or learned early to answer for the group before they learned to answer for themselves. You don't have to explain that part to me first.

Finding your own voice inside a relationship you still want to keep is easier with someone next to you. If this feels like the moment, let's take the first step together — at your pace, no pressure.

Master's in Systemic Family Therapy

Universidad Simón Bolívar

Clinical Psychologist

15+ years of clinical experience

University Professor

16 years teaching psychology

Systemic-Relational Approach

Couples & individual work

Licensed Psychologist · Professional License 106127 (COLPSIC, Colombia)

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My approach

This is how I work with this pattern in therapy

I work from a systemic-relational approach: I look at what happens between the two of you, not just inside you — the 'we' you built, the position it asks you to hold, and where your own voice fits back in.

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Facts aren't the same as reassurance

You give the full report — the effort, the plan, the proof — and your partner still doesn't feel settled. That's not because you did too little. It's because a status update was never what they were asking for.

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When your answer starts with 'I', it reads as defense

The reflex to explain yourself individually can land like you're being audited, even when that's not what you meant. We work on noticing that reflex before it answers for you.

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The question about the future isn't logistics

The house, the paperwork, making it official — underneath is one question: are we still a team? Learning to answer that question, in your own voice, is the work.

How we start

A clear first step, no pressure

You book your assessment session

Message me on WhatsApp or leave your details in the form. We'll set up a first 60-minute video-call session, at a reduced rate (50% off).

We get to know your situation

In that first session I listen to your story — what the relationship asks of you, and where you feel yourself go quiet inside it. No rushed diagnoses, no jargon — just understanding, together, what you need.

We shape the process together

You decide with real information, not blindly. If it feels right for you, we agree on a process built around you — individual, or with your partner if that fits better. If not, I'll still point you toward what you need.

Your first step

Start with an assessment session

A first session to meet each other and shape your process. Reduced rate, so you decide with real information, not out of obligation.

US$25US$49.9950%

60 minutes · Video call · 100% confidential

Book My Assessment Session

Not sure this is the right fit?

Two related paths, in case one fits better

This page is about the 'we' becoming the only voice you're allowed to use. If what you recognize is feeling responsible for everyone, not just your partner, that's a related but different pattern. And if you'd rather work on this alongside your partner from the start, there's a session built for that.

Feeling responsible for everyone: codependency therapy
Working on it together: couples therapy (US$59.99, 75 min)

Prefer to talk first?

Message me and I'll answer personally

If you're not ready to book and would rather tell me a bit first, message me on WhatsApp or leave your details below. I answer personally within 24 hours, no obligation.

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📍 Online · Barranquilla, Colombia

🕑 Mon-Fri 8am - 7pm · Sat 9am - 1pm (Colombia time)

Ricardo is licensed as a psychologist in Colombia (Professional License 106127) and works with international clients in private practice. He does not prescribe medication. Rules on cross-border online therapy vary by country and by state, so it's worth checking what applies where you live — and this never replaces local emergency care.